Can I Come With You
by SolarLunar
Summary: One-Shot. Becker is left alone after Sarah dies and he can't help wondering if those that are missing are in a better position than he is. In the end, he has to chose between duty and dreams. A little angsty.


**So, I've done some angst. I was feeling melancholic and unfortunately Becker copped the fall-out of it. He's just such an easy target. ;-) Not really sure how to introduce it. It's a little heavier than my usual stuff. Set between Series 3 and 4. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval. And trees have wood in them.**

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><p>Whilst he lay in that pristine white bed, all he could think about was when they were coming back. When would they stride in and stop what was happening? When would they help him to stand in defiance to the bureaucratic and ill-advised orders? When would they save the world?<p>

When would they save him?

Lester had only stayed for a couple of minutes. The first minute he took to inform him who had returned.

And who hadn't.

Dr. Sarah Page, Egyptologist. Studied the past, killed by the future. A future she shouldn't have met.

The second minute he took to inform him that the ARC was going to be shut down and an investigation would be pending. Not only did he have to leave his post, to forsake the world and leave civilians at the mercy of whatever else was coming, but he couldn't even just run away and never look back. He had to face and justify every decision he'd made, action he'd taken and sentence he'd spoken.

Right now, he wasn't even sure he could do that with himself. He struggled through the standard report he had to make, knowing this one would be scrutinised the most by the investigators, trying to ascertain if anyone was to blame.

If he was to blame.

He was tempted to write lies and half truths so they would do so. Truth won over. The truth of her death needed to be known properly.

There were too many regrets whirling around in his mind. And too many tears that need to be shed.

He didn't cry, in the end.

In the end, he complied with half the doctor's orders and stayed a week. He refused the psychiatric help, even though Lester said that there was no need for him to do so. It's not like he'd be missing anything at work.

That was the first issue in Becker's head. Get a job. He had to. Soon. He couldn't bear to face anything else.

No-one would accept a man who, even with a glowing reference and impressive CV, would start to lose concentration in mid-interview, gazing into the distance with a haunted and solemn expression. One time, when the woman pulled him back from his day-dreams, he asked her when they would come back.

She didn't even know who 'they' were, yet they had saved her. Tomorrow, she could be presented with a creature that should have become extinct thousands of years ago. Millions of years ago. Millions of years ago, where it had grown up free of the trouble and repression caused by the human race's need for resources; free from its home being cut down or coated in poisons; free.

Maybe, if he found an anomaly, he could step through and begin a new life, away from his plight here. Start a new life alone; it wasn't as if there was anyone left for him here. Lester was busy trying to restrict the damage done here. He wasn't succeeding.

When he was call in for the investigation, he spoke concisely and quietly, but, later, he overheard someone comment on this, asking if they should be prying into everything when he was clearly still grieving. Another person brushed away the comment, saying 'he'd always been quiet, yet commanding, and, let's face it, he was part of the security team and, therefore, wouldn't be as close to the missing people.'

'He's watched one of them die,' pushed the first.

'He's a soldier and hadn't been with them long anyway' was the response.

'A useless soldier,' added a third.

Becker realised he'd just imagined the third. He turned back, grabbed some water and returned to the interview room he was having a break from. He ignored Lester as he walked past straight past him. He was looking at the ground.

The surprise that Becker felt when he heard the ARC was being brought back was mild; he'd known the Minister would suddenly find that the creatures wouldn't just evaporate because he'd halted the remnants of the team. What did surprise him was Lester demanding that he came back. He couldn't think of a reason, bar Lester not wanting to deal with more introductions than he had to.

He never asked.

He met Jess and accepted that he _was_ here, so he may as well do his best. Scratch that. He'd done his best before. He was going to do better than his best. Especially for this young, naïve, intelligent girl, who shouldn't be faced with his mistakes.

He put a picture of Abby and Connor and Danny and Sarah and Cutter and Jenny in his new office. To remind him of some of the ways he could lose these new people.

Matt took one look and simply nodded in approval. Jess, sweet, colourful and bouncy Jess, took one look and bit her lip. It was clear she had questions, but didn't want to intrude and ask. He wasn't quite sure why he chose to tell her about the classified material. Maybe it was because he needed to talk and had finally found someone who was willing to listen.

He didn't cry, but paused a lot.

She didn't complain. Young, naïve and intelligent.

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><p>The first anomaly came a week after operations began. All he remembered afterwards, after Matt had tugged him away to discuss some tiny detail and after Jess chirped through with the area report and after the pulls of reality, his sense of duty and burning desire to do something right this time, was standing in front of it, before other soldiers had locked it.<p>

He'd pondering the question he wanted to ask Abby, Connor and Danny. Even Sarah, as a last resort. The answer was _no _and this vexed him. It was, after all, a question of escape; a question of freedom; a question of release.

Can I come with you?

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><p><strong>Bit different from what I've done before so please comment.<strong>

**xx**


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